What Are The Available Treatments For Social Anxiety Disorder?

Most people who experience social anxiety often feel isolated and feel that there is little help available for them.

Many also feel that it’s unrecognized as a mental disorder and there currently exists no form of treatment!

This however couldn’t be further from the truth!

It is currently among the most common mental disorders globally and is widely recognized (if not often mistaken) among the medical community.

There are a number of treatments for dealing with and treating social anxiety which we’ll be outlined in the following article.

The most common form of treatment is therapy based and commonly referred to as CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). CBT has proven to be very effective as it helps to identify the triggers of socially related anxieties and helps you tackle the cause of the problem.

CBT is a long-term process that is designed to help an individual change their behaviors in social settings as well as how they think, engage and interact around others.

There are two available options for CBT which are one-on-one sessions or group therapy sessions. This is definitely worth considering for those who have deep socially related anxieties.

Aside from therapy based treatments there are medications which have been used in thetreatment of social anxiety disorder. antidepressants, anti-anxiety drugs and beta-blockers are among the common prescription drugs for treating social anxiety.

The problem with medications are they’re not designed for a long-term solution but work more as a temporary blocker. Medications can take a few weeks to really effect as well and there may be need to chop and change prescriptions.

The use of medication should only be for individuals whose anxieties are getting in the way of day-to-day life. Your doctor can best advise of suitable meds but they should only be used as part of an ongoing process of treatment.

There are also alternate more natural courses of treatment such as the shyness and social anxiety system by Sean Cooper. This will involve learning more in-depth about the disorder and the possible triggers.

Which course of treatment is most suitable would depend on how much the disorder was affecting a person’s ability to cope in social environments.

Someone experiencing social anxiety disorder may undergo a combination of medicinal and therapy based treatments at the same time. Others may choose to just go it alone and see what they can find out about dealing with their socially related anxieties.

To sum up it really depends on how much it’s getting in the way of your day-to-day life when deciding the best course of treatment available for your needs.

A GP can best advise of the most suitable form of treatment based on the patients needs and circumstances. So if you do feel that social anxiety is getting in the way of your daily life then it’s best to speak to your GP.

Learn the three biggest causes that may be triggering your social anxiety and three tips for dealing with your social anxiety by clicking the link below.

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‘Sexting’: A New Crisis for Relationships?

Is your relationship going downhill? Maintaining a relationship is not easy and most couples encounter a few bumps along the road to a lasting relationship. If not recognized earlier, these bumps could push couples to take the relationship to the wrong direction leading to break-ups or divorce. It is important to recognize these relationship killers ahead of time to avoid further damage. There are reasons why relationships fail and once these reasons are recognized ahead of time, you’ll have a better chance of saving your troubled relationship. Although no one can enumerate all the reasons why relationships fail, we have listed here the top reasons. So what are these relationship killers?

Poor or lack of communication. One way to connect with each other is for couples to have a strong and regular communication. Couples tend to drift apart due to poor or lack of communication. Many relation problems start with lack of communication. Assuming that you know what your partner or spouse is thinking is dangerous to your relationship. Misunderstandings and arguments are often the result of not communicating with your spouse or partner. If this is happening in your relationship then you should know that this is one of the reasons why relationships fail and you have to do something to improve the communication in your relationship.

Not supportive with each other’s goals, ambitions and careers. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the issues with careers and ambitions between couples. When two people in a relationship have different goals and ambitions and cannot compromise or support each other, the relationship may suffer in the end. It is given that two people naturally have different ambitions and careers to pursue but in a relationship, it is best to support each other’s interest or careers to avoid strain in the relationship. It is easier to make the relationship work with a partner or spouse who believes and supports their spouse’s or partner’s career. If 100% understanding, acceptance and support is not possible, at least a partner or spouse should be open to compromise and willing to find a work around to make both their careers and relationship work. Sacrifices and compromise is inevitable. Of course, both should know how to balance their careers with their love life. It is easier said than done but it is not impossible. There are couples who are both successful in their careers at the same time lead a happy and strong relationship.

Not getting along with your partner’s friends and family. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the conflict with people closest to your spouse or partner. Let’s face it, the world does not revolve around you and your partner alone. There are people around you like friends and families that both you and your partner cannot live without. Not getting along with people closest to your partner can put a strain in your relationship. A situation where you and your partner’s mother or best friend can’t see each other eye to eye or can’t stay in the same room can be really stressful in the relationship. Holiday dinners and family gatherings can be difficult if you are not in good terms with your spouse’s family and friends. If you want to create a long-lasting relationship with your partner, it is best to get along with people important to him or her.

Life’s issues and baggage. There are life’s baggage and issues when brought to a relationship can cause damage. A lingering ex can ignite jealousy, suspicion and distrust that can put a strain in your current relationship, so it is best to be clear with your ex that everything is already in the past and that you are serious with your current relationship. Comparing your current relationship with your previous relationships is also dangerous and damaging to your relationship. Children and issues from previous marriage can be challenging and can also affect your relationship so it important to know how to handle these things and make your current relationship work. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the failure to deal with your life’s issues and baggage.

Money issues. Financial issues is one of the reasons why relationships fail. If not addressed properly, money issues can kill your relationship. The stress brought by financial woes and struggles can eventually ruin a relationship. People or couples stressed with financial issues can become irritable, irrational, hostile and cold with their spouse or partner and these behaviors can slowly kill a relationship. It is best to be honest from the start about your financial status, be open to discuss each other’s spending habits, money sharing and expenses. With effective and open-minded communication, strategies and compromise about money, a financially challenged couple can work things out and can save their marriage.

Infidelity. Keeping a relationship between two people is hard enough but involving a third party or cheating a partner is a bomb that can instantly kill a relationship. Infidelity is the ultimate relationship destroyer and some relationships won’t be able to survive this. Betraying the trust of your partner is one of the top reasons why relationships fail. The feeling of being replaced or being betrayed is not easy to cope with and so the betrayed spouse or partner often walk out of the relationship. Although there are couples who were able to survive cheating and make the relationship work again, it is best to not to commit infidelity in the first place if you want a long-lasting relationship.

Disgusting behaviors and habits. Although it is true that loving someone includes accepting all his or her flaws, in reality there are habits that can become annoying over time and can push your partner to wake up one day and realize he or she wants to get out of the relationship. Even simple things like not putting back the toothpaste cap, not making the bed, not putting the soiled laundry in the laundry bin or leaving dirty shoes and socks around the house can be magnified if things are not going well in your relationship and these can trigger your partner to finally end the relationship. Nagging, being a war freak, fighting in public, humiliating your spouse or partner, name calling or cursing when arguing, holding on grudges, hitting your spouse or partner when you are angry, throwing things when arguing, too much or unreasonable jealousy, avoiding discussions about the issues in your relationship, lying or being dishonest with your spouse or partner are some of the bad behaviors that can damage a relationship and could lead to break-ups or divorce. Being in a relationship should teach couples to be better people and not become worse so it is better to change for the better to create a strong relationship than acquire unfavorable habits or behaviors that can eventually damage your relationship.

Things in your relationship becomes a routine. The fire and excitement in the relationship could die because you became too comfortable or complacent with each other that things become more of a routine than an act of love. You become more like siblings or friends than lovers. Being too comfortable with each other takes away the excitement and the romance in the relationship and it makes the relationship boring and a routine. When couples do the same things together over and over again, they stopped growing as an individual and as a partner. Break the routine and spice up your relationship. There are things and interests that you can do separately to grow as a person and there are things that you can do together to bond with each other. It is important to allow your spouse or partner to have his or her own space to do his or her own thing or enjoy the company of his or her friends but it is also important to have time alone with each other through regular dates or vacations to bond with each other and create new and exciting memories.

Lack of intimacy and sex. Life can become too busy and complicated that couples may end up too busy or stressed for intimacy or sex which is not a good thing in a relationship. Couples need to connect intimately emotionally and physically and the best thing to do it is through sex. Sex could dry up in a long-term relationship and couples tend to have less sex through the years. Couples should prevent this from happening. Lack of intimacy or sexual dissatisfaction is one of the reasons why relationships fail. When couples stop having sex, they tend to get disconnected and detached from each other and they become susceptible to infidelity. It is best for couples to maintain an active sex life to keep the connection and make the relationship more alive and exciting. Although it is important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner through regular sex, couples should know that it is not good to put pressure on your spouse or partner to engage in frequent sex. You don’t have to have sex everyday but there are studies saying that having regular sex once a week is ideal and enough to maintain that intimate connection between couples. There are many hindrances to accomplish this like stress at work, stress in everyday life, taking care of the children and the state where you are not in the mood for sex but like any other issue in your relationship, the frequency and timing of having sex should be discussed and planned. Intimate connection through sex is vital in every romantic relationship and when couples are not having enough connection through sex, they have to do something to fix this problem to save the relationship.

Are you having trouble dealing with a difficult or troubled marriage? Visit Saving a Troubled Relationship

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including 9 Reasons Why Relationships Fail. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author’s name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

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Modern Social Intelligence

We all admit that our social skills are in a continuous need to be improved and developed. These skills are what we call “social intelligence”. In the beginning, you should be able to connect with separate individuals or full group, so you become in a continuous state of mental communication with others.

The human brain is the most complex and powerful organ at the same time. Dealing with your own mind means you are a smart person, but dealing successfully with a large number of minds at the same time is definitely a sign of genius.

The socially intelligent individual should use all his mental and physical energy to communicate with others and read their thoughts. He should acquire the skills needed to be able to encourage others to develop, communicate and cooperate. Also he should learn how to make friends and keep them.

Social intelligence also includes the ability to overcome the fast river of problems including mistakes, negotiations and results. All these skills require that the individual is a good speaker and an excellent listener, as well as communicating positively with the outer world. The people with social intelligence seem to be more comfortable with different races, classes and ages. Moreover, they have the ability to make others feel relieved and secured.

COMPONENTS OF SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE:

1- Fast conversations

2-Reading others’ emotions

3-Good listening

4-Attracting others’ attention

5-Decent disposition in critical situations

6-Friendly relations

7-Positive attitudes

There are some problems that people face because of lack in some of the past points, or in other words weakness in their intelligence. In light of the huge complications in social relations and difficult life troubles, we should understand the complexity of this amazing type of intelligence and the worth of its proficiency, as the attainment won’t be only in your social life, but also will affect your financial level and your physical health.

Finally, classifying people into social and unsocial is not right nowadays. The way life has become is forcing people to become more and more social. A long time ago, people used to live separately in tribes and they didn’t know almost anything about humans in other parts of the world. In the last century, man even tried to discover life in another planets. The idea that we live alone in all this universe isn’t rational to many people. Even if other “aliens” are dangerous. the motive of exploration is strong enough for some people to find other lives. We should make billions of friend as long as we are still alive.

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On Again Off Again Relationships

I see this all the time and it kills me to see relationships end due to being in a on again off again relationship. What people fail to realize is that relationships in itself develops in stages. I’m here today to provide some relationship problem advice. Now keep in mind that the relationship problem advice is to only be applied to relationships that are worth staying in.

How to improve your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend…

Do you remember how it was when you first met your boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you remember how exciting it was to go out on dates? Do you even remember what attracted you to your boyfriend/girlfriend in the first place? Well if you don’t that could possibly be a major problem to start with.

The key to a successful relationship is learning how to relate to one another. You should consider seeing your relationship as a love bank. What I mean by love bank is, when you’re involved with someone you have to make what I call love deposits. If you don’t make love deposits then guess what your love bank is empty and you really have nothing motivating you to stay in the relationship and guess what; this leads to on again off again relationships.

Learning how to improve your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend can be really simple. You first have to both be willing to work on this to avoid a on again off again relationship. Believe it or not people are involved in relationships and are not even aware that their mate has no intention on including them in their future.

I am a firm believer that communication goes along way and in most cases can save a relationship that’s worth keeping. Be careful who you get relationship problem advice from. Just when you think you are consulting with someone who has your best interest at heart; it’s even more devastating to find out that they could care less about it. OK! So let’s get started.

Relationship Problem Advice

The relationship problem advice that I am about to give can turn a relationship around immediately. You will be surprised at the results you will begin to notice in just a matter of a few days or weeks. There are 50 secrets to a blissful relationship. Just so that you know I can’t give all 50 secrets in this article because each secret is very detailed. However, I will give a few here.

1. Take out a sheet of paper and pen/pencil and what I want you to do is write down currently the pros and cons in the relationship at its current state. It’s obvious that the cons will probably outweigh the pros which is why you are currently in a on again off again relationship. Once you have completed this part you will be ready for the step 2 in secret 1.

2. In this step it can get a little tricky. The reason that I say this is because you are going to really have to analyze the con list and identify if it’s him/her or you. If you don’t remember anything else remember this relationship problem advice. You are going to have to take self out of the picture. Although you may find this hard to do it’s a key component that allows you to see things for what they really are.

When was the last time you complimented each other?… Secret 2

It amazes me how couples find time to argue 90% of the time and never compliment each for just the small things. Did you know that compliments is a must know how to improve your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Think about it when you first met what did you notice about him/her? Think about the things that you use to say to each other that kept the relationship going. You will be surprise with the results you get by applying this to your relationship.

Communication… Secret 3

Communication has several components that some people fail to realize. It’s more than just verbal communication. Communication involves physical affection also. One of the first things to go in a on again off again relationship is verbal communication shortly followed by physical communication. Although the physical is still there in sexual encounters in most cases the verbal communication that holds the union together is no longer associated with parties involved. The tips that are given in this secret are very detailed and I would not be able to explain all of this in this article. I can say this, “this was one of my biggest issues in my relationship of 16 years”. A source that I used better explains ways to apply communication the correct way both verbally and physically.

Being in a successful relationship that is going to last takes work. I strongly recommend that you check out my resource to get more information. If you find yourself asking how to improve your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend, need relationship problem advice, or you in a on again off again relationship. I strongly recommend that you go to the link below this article to get more information on relationship help tips.

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Relationships – How to Make Your Honeymoon Last Forever

I mean, the only thing between you and that state of despair is your pride and surely love is better for one day than pride for a lifetime?

“NOTHING IS IN THE WAY, ONLY ON THE WAY. Yes, that’s the way to think about relationships.

You can control 50% of your life. Choose which 50% carefully. All people can only control 50% of their life but they don’t know which 50% they value controlling. So they end up trying to control all their life which is impossible. It’s called half hearted living. Do you want half hearted life? I doubt it and if you do, stop reading this article now.

You want to put your whole heart into what you do because there are no half hearted success stories. So, sometimes you have to control your wealth but let go control at home. It depends on your values doesn’t it.

NEVER GIVE 100%

The reason people get in a mess with love and relationships is that they think that a relationship is the be all and end all of life. Most people who admire love and relationships are depressed, like RUMI and Romeo. They weren’t happy. All their life (and poetry) was spent moaning that they couldn’t enjoy themselves without love and relationships. Gosh, there’s a whole world out there to love.

Relationships don’t solve problems. They actually bring problems to the surface, sort of make them worse. Relationships magnify problems. They feed on them. Sometimes people hope that their love and relationship will solve problems. It’s very seductive. I will solve all your problems and make your dreams come true, the sex is great and the promise is fabulous. Relationships promise to will solve problems but they don’t. The closest a relationship gets to solving a problem is that it makes having a problem less intense because it feels like there’s a second person going in to bat for you in life. But in my experience, even that has its limits.

The other reason people get into a mess in relationships is that they put too much mush into them. If you divide life into seven equal parts like: career, money, health, intelligence, friends, self and relationship you get a rough idea about the real context of relationship. A relationship is not life, love is. And you can’t love one person and hate another. 99% of relationship failure is caused by unresolved judgements about someone in the past, or their sister’s past or their brother’s past or their parent’s. They grind that axe and hold onto all sorts of distaste so then they can’t love that in their current partner either. Remember that every person has every trait. It’s like sucking a dog poo lolly while kissing a prince. It’s going to make a difference. The taste alone of a judgement or hate that’s dragging itself through a person’s life becomes permanent. They taste crap even when they meet their soul mate. So, smart thing would be to use mouthwash. Process dirty laundry from the past, emotional baggage and really turn up.

This is what makes the difference for me.

I value that life is a journey and even pain is important to teach and guide us. My pain has a purpose and so, when I have it, I let all the pain in and don’t hold onto anything. Sometimes I’ve gone for help to finish a discard form, other times I’ve been through a ream of paper, 400 sheets of paper, listing the discard. For me, opening my heart again to love each day is a big value. I make sure there are no grudges or regrets about anything in my life. By doing this, I learn more about myself, my work, my life, my people, my human nature in six minutes than a meditator learns in a lifetime.

Pains and challenges don’t get easier, but they do get shorter. My first heartbreak heart took 3 years to deal with, the last one, 3 hours. Yes, I’m good at the forms, but I do practice between performances, I do them regularly on little things so I’m confident on the big things.

So, here’s the rub about love and life from my viewpoint.

You can’t go wrong. You can’t go wrong trying. You can only go wrong half trying.
If you are in doubt pull out.
If you are being safe, or self protective, or cautious in love, it’s over.
There is no half.
You and your baggage come into the relationship boots and all. Otherwise it’s a joke, and you’ll be the punch line.
Give all and if it ends cop it sweet, right in the heart.
Love your ex, unconditionally.
A few hints on being confident and putting 100% of your heart into a relationship.

Create a routine that works for you as if you are single or as if you were single and do not change one molecule of it when you are double except you might swap out going to the pub with friends for a date night.

Compromise kills love and therefore relationships. You get to know yourself you keep doing those things that make you a good you even when you are in a relationship.

Focus on love in the other six areas of life as well as relationship. It’s the overloading of relationship with too much pressure to create happiness that causes their failure.

Focus on fulfilment and be fulfilled when you enter a relationship – don’t burden your relationship with the job of making you happy. The purpose of relationships is not happiness, and, happiness is like an Ogre, always hungry, never satisfied. Turn up in your relationship already fulfilled – then your relationship can last a lifetime.

Don’t focus on trying to please your partner all the time, you might be making a huge mistake.

Don’t wish for or start looking for someone with the same values as you. Someone who is pleased by the same things as you. That notion is so self-destructive. That’s a bitter pill. No mouthwash can kill the flavour of being a disappointed lover. If you think the essence of a great relationship is finding someone who wants what you want and thinks like you think about work and life, you will be hurting forever. No need for that.

Be True to Yourself

Remember that there’s only one person on earth who thinks like you, who wants what you want and who needs what you need in the quantities that you need. And that person is you. If you think you found a like minded soul, this is possible but if you think that they will want what you want in the order you want it in, think again. Anyone who gives you the impression that they want what you want in the order you want it, is tricking, seducing and manipulating you by making things easy. They are just making you happy so you surrender to them.

Trust nature, if two people are the same, one of them isn’t necessary. If you do find an exact replica, a person who thinks like you, resonates with you, walks and talks like you and wants what you want, then wear a hard hat because they will soon ask you to change.

All relationships are based on differences.

If there are seven areas of life, and your priorities are spiritual, mental and financial in that order, you can bet everything you own that their bottom three priorities will be financial, mental and spiritual in that order. This is how nature works. It’s not wrong. Deep down, the human spirit is non complaint. Only on the surface can we cause another person to subjugate their values. Deep down, intrinsically, we are all very powerful.

BE REAL

There are two sides to everyone. So, know the negatives and the positives of everyone and simply focus on the good news. That’s romantic. That’s seduction. It means “to please. ” So we seduce each other by focussing on what works, not criticising the 50% that doesn’t work. If you think you are without that 50/50 balance of positive and negative, go interview your ex partner, your kids or parents. They’ll give it to you with both barrels.

If your expectations of a partner are anything other than 50/50 positive negative then you are fantasising and this is great short term but eventually it’ll hurt you and them. You do what you can to seduce your date, but really, it’s an act. Deeply, you could if you chose, focus on the bad news or the good news. If you want a good home, be diligent, know the balance, focus on the good news.

People want their long term needs met.

Seduce means to give others what they want, and it will be very different to what you’d want if you were them. And this is why relationships are so challenging. While you are getting seduced you dream that this getting, this satisfaction is going to last forever. But your needs will expand and their needs will expand and you’ll eventually feel that your needs are not being met in some area. And then there’s a test.

Now what? Now that you find you’ve married someone who wants things you don’t want, what are you going to do? You know this is inevitable so do you get single while in a relationship, and just self-gratify, hoping to one day meet your perfect self in another person, or do you realise that by giving to your lover what they want they give to you what you want?

Are you one of the people who get into relationships with enthusiasm and then spend the rest of the time you are in it thinking about whether you made the right choice? This is human, but you need to shut that down by looking around at other people going, “my goodness, my partner has that but in a different form, my partner is therefore better, they are perfect. ”

Confusion or Clarity

Western ideology means we want what we haven’t got, so, when you are with one person (relationship) you want to be with the many (single) and when you are with the many (single) you want one (relationship)… in other words when you are single being double looks brilliant and when you are double being single looks like nirvana.

That’s the epitome of western ideology. We want what we haven’t got. It’s the driving force of the consumer society, our culture, our religions… simply we are conditioned to “want what we haven’t got. ” And this presents an dilemma for those who love the commercial world of business. If business success comes from wanting what you haven’t got, then are you doomed to continual dissatisfaction in relationship?

The whole business and financial model of the world runs on “wanting what we haven’t got – consumerism” even in Maoist countries it’s what feeds people. But at home, in love and relationship maybe the opposite works better.

In love “I need nothing, I want nothing and therefore I have everything” the Eastern model of want what you’ve got, is best.

I teach clients who have been in long term relationships a great game. Would you like to read about that? If so read on:

So, here’s the rub about Eastern thinking in a Western relationship. Lets say you are a woman, 29 and feel very beautiful in your clothes and body and work and life and you are dating a short fat man who has no money, smelly armpits, a hairy chest and eats like a pig on heat. So, you look up from your meal and there he is with food down his shirt, spaghetti on his bald head and snot dripping from his nose. He is making a grunting sound and his knife and fork haven’t left the napkin. His hands are up to their elbows in tomato sauce and he is on the phone talking to his ex. You look just past him and there is Brad Pitt. You slide off the chair in bliss. Your mind drifts and you are no longer at the table with short, fat, bald man you have left your body at the table and are sitting on Brad’s knee and he’s happy to see you if you know what I mean. So, now you want what you haven’t got right?

And in Western life, that’s unhappiness, dissatisfaction, lost interest, doubt, unromantic, heart closed, argument coming, gee I wish I wasn’t stuck in this horrible relationship thinking. Yes?

Here’s the genius for dealing with wanting what you haven’t got in a relationship (sabotage)

Imagine that there’s a competition and your child is in a race. Your kid is not the greatest runner, so they always lose. At the end they come up to you crying because they lost the race so what do you say to them? You find something to celebrate like “well, you didn’t come first but you were the best starter, or you didn’t win the running race but you went faster than you’ve done before or you looked great or tried hardest” Somehow you extract a take away from the event that proves an amazing universal truth. In every competition, everyone is a winner. That’s a universal law, not a platitude.

In nature, nothing is missing. So, although you might be looking across the table at Mr Piggy and looking past him to Brad Pitt, in nature’s eyes, they are equal. There is nothing Brad Pitt has got that your partner hasn’t. The only question is “what form?” Now, before we get into that I want to make a point clear. To compare your partner with other potential candidates is human. To have questions and see other attractive people is human. Even wearing one of those “Ned Kelly” helmets as some religions do to prevent people being attracted to them, is not going to prevent it. We compare, life is, nature is, competitive.

Apply that to business or sport and you are a winner. Apply it to relationship and you will be a loser. Don’t get messed up thinking you need to be Eastern in everything or you’ll end up half engaged in work and half engaged at home. You need to be diverse, open and have both. Apply the Western model of “I want what I haven’t got” to your work and sport and apply the Eastern model of “I want what I’ve got” to your relationship and health.

If I can be of any help in this please book a guidance session, a consult or a business seminar…

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Choosing a Partner or Escaping Into the Relationship: The Difference Makes You Happy or Tormented

Often in a relationship it happens that at least one of the partners is not true to himself/herself. This happens for a variety of reasons:

HE, for example, wants to separate but is afraid to be alone; he wants to confess about an affair but is afraid of the results; he feels more responsibility to his grown-up children than to his new partner, but doesn’t have the courage to admit it to her; and so on and so forth.

She, on the other hand, hates the way he makes love to her but isn’t assertive enough to bring it up in the open; is tired about asking him to a help her around the house, but doesn’t want to confront him about it, afraid he might feel she doesn’t regard him as “a man”; she feels frustrated about him not inviting her out to restaurants as often as she would have loved to, but hesitates to bring the issue up, fearing he might get angry, and so on and so forth.

Two people in a relationship, none of them true to himself/herself

So here there are two people, in a relationship, none of whom is true to himself/herself, none of whom has the courage to bring up issues for discussion with the partner. As a result, due to being dissatisfied with the partner and with the relationship, they both behave in a passive-aggressive way with one another.

“Well, at least I am not alone,” each of them is quietly thinking.

“Well, at least I don’t rock the boat,” each of them calms himself/herself down.

“Well, who said a relationship should be perfect?” they each ask themselves, “is there anything like a perfect relationship?” they comfort themselves, each of them separately, but somehow together.

What makes them stay together?

So what makes them stay together is their silent, shared “agreement”, that their relationship is not good, but…

It might well be that according to their own standards, belief system, and “shared” view of partners and relationships, what they experience in their relationship is just “normal”; “they way things always are in a relationship”.

Do they feel they sacrifice much by not being true to themselves – and to their partner? Maybe not: it is likely that they don’t know better. After all, they both might have experienced failed relationships in their past; both might have separated or divorced (maybe even more than once); both might have never allowed themselves to open up to their partners and communicate openly and honestly.

So as much as they might resemble each other in their behavior, it doesn’t yet mean that they have much in common or are soul-mates. The opposite might be true: they are neither “relationship-wise” nor soul-mates. What they are is just two people in need for love who gotten attached to one another as a result of fears and needs which control them and drive them to stay together; to behave the way they do; to cling on to one another, feeling not really happy but then, “you can’t expect everything from a partner and from a relationship”, they tell themselves, quietly, each in own head, time and again.

The difference between choosing a partner and a relationship or escaping into them

What it all tells us is simple: when you approach a relationship not with the intention to gain something significant in your life but rather in order to escape something – be it escape from loneliness, from feeling not worthwhile, from being disillusioned with life and looking for something to “fill the void” – when you look for a partner and approach relationships with such an attitude, it is quite certain that you will end up – if at all – in a relationship in which you will not be true neither to yourself nor to your partner.

The funny part of it all (or shall we say: the sad part) is, that often you yourself might not even be aware of the fact that you are not true; that you have entered the relationship based on your need to escape, driven by fears, feeling inadequate to confront life, impatient to take the time to look around for a compatible partner, but rather willing to “jump in” with whomever seeks your company.

When initial “love” ends up causing you to feel tormented – yet you stay…

Indeed, upon initially meeting your partner and going out on dates you might feel “in love”; you might feel “attracted” to the person; you might feel loved and desired. But these, unfortunately, might be only short-term feelings, and sooner or later, as the two of you enter a “serious” relationship and maybe even move in together, you might realize, soon enough, that the “magic” has vanished (if there was one to begin with), and that all your dreams about a fantastic intimacy just went down hill, down the drain, and all what was left was… o well, someone with whom you escape your fear of loneliness, your fear of abandonment, someone with whom you attempt to fill in the void of love, neediness, self-worth…

Ignoring, denying, being unaware of reality

Does declining to be aware of your self-sabotaging behaviors enable you to prolong the relationship till “death will do you part”?

Does ignoring the fact that you are not being true to yourself and to your partner make you feel more “at peace” within the relationship?

Does repeatedly denying warning-signs that this partner and this relationship are not for you enable you to feel more “at home” with your partner?

Hard to say. This is your mind, your denials, and your relationship.

However, even people who are unaware can not cheat themselves (and their partner) all the time; can not continually pretend that “all is right”; can not repetitively come up with one thousand and one excuses to justify staying with a partner who is not for them and in a relationship that doesn’t bring them happiness.

The heart knows what the mind refuses to acknowledge

There is a proverb: “the heart knows what the mind refuses to acknowledge”.

Their hearts as well.

But they stay. Out of fear; and neediness; and feelings of worthlessness.

You might think to yourself: if only they would have developed awareness; if only they would have become aware of their fears and needs; if only they would have gotten up the courage to seek appropriate therapy, receive relevant advise; take initiative to make a positive change in their perception of themselves, of partners and relationships.

If only. This is the setback: IF ONLY…

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Healthy Relationships For Beautiful Life

In happy relationships, there are five simultaneous relationships happening. Healthy relationships are based upon each person having a relationship with him-or-herself. The relationship with the self is the basic building block of a relationship. Both parties must have broken through their denial systems to some extent, achieved some modicum of honesty with themselves, and become willing to take responsibility for themselves. In general, each must be a person in his or her own right. If one does not have a relationship with the self, it is truly impossible to have a living process (healthy) relationship; it will not be possible to be honest with the “other” if one is not in contact with oneself.

This relationship with the self is a source of pleasure and expansion and needs time and nurturing in order to grow. In order to have a relationship with the self, it is necessary to have quiet time alone, time to enrich one’s spirituality. A relationship with the self takes time. Truly having a relationship with our own process relates us to the process of the universe.

The next two relationships that occur in healthy relationships are each person’s fantasized relationship with the other. Each person has a fantasy about what is go in on with the other and about who the other is. In healthy relationships, it is necessary to bring these fantasized relationships into the conscious self, explore them, and make them available to and share them with the others. These relationships can be the source of a lot of fun, and as long as we know them for what they are, can add richness to our relationship with ourselves and with others.

A fifth relationship in healthy relationships is the actual relationship that exists between the two people. It is dependent upon the previous four having been developed, maintained, and “cleaned up” if necessary. Not that we have to be perfect to have a relationship; relationships provide a major arena for growth and self-awareness, and paradoxically they have to exist consciously and be worked with for the relationship between the self and other requires taking risks. In order to have this relationship, it is necessary to be able to see the self and the other and to respect the process of both. This relationship is a rich source of information for the self. And it is more than that; it is an opportunity to know and be known.

In healthy relationships, the focus is upon respecting one’s own process. When this happens, each – almost be default – respects the others journey and supports it as well as his or her own.

Healthy relationships imply supporting each other, yet these is no focus upon “fixing” the other person. Each person’s process is respected and it is recognized that each must do what he or she must. It is understood that if I have feelings about what the other does, these are my feelings and I have to handle them as best I can. Commitment is not incarceration. It is each being committed to her or his own process, sharing that process, and respecting the process of the others.

A healthy relationship is an open system, which means that both information that is external to the parties and the relationship are sought, listened to, and resolved. Therefore, in healthy relationships, choices are very important,, and the generation of options opens the possibility to growth and creativity. Choices are not threats.

Relationships are mysterious. Never-the-less, it is fun to play around with some “lists” of ideas for “healthy relationship skills.”

To be able to ‘wait with” the evolution of a relationship.

To be able to be honest when one is not interested or cannot listen.

To recognize and accept one’s own needs and honor them.

To care for, not take care of, the other.

To know that dependency in any form kills relationships; to honor the integrity of the self and the other.

To know that one cannot compromise one’s moral values without eroding the relationship.

To be present to the self and the other and share intimacy where appropriate.

To know that physical loving evolves as intimacy grows.

To know the relationship is only one important aspect of one’s total life.

To be unwilling to turn one’s life over to anyone.

To accept responsibility for one’s own life and recognize the others responsibility for his or her own life.

To be honest with oneself about who the other is and what important values, hopes and fears are not shared.

To see the other and the self clearly, without judgment.

To know that blame has no place in intimacy and to be willing to own one’s mistakes without judgment.

To be able to share “worlds” while maintaining one’s own.

To be present.

To take risks and be vulnerable with the other.

To share feelings as one feels them.

To have and respect boundaries.

To know that suffering is not love – pain will occur; suffering is a choice.

To live one’s own process and respect the process of the other, whatever it is.

To know that love cannot be created or manipulated. Love is a gift.

According to Dorothy C. Hayden, LCSW, is a couples counselor and sexual consultant in private practice in Manhattan, “All of us are pioneers exploring the potential in relationships. We are learning together. In healthy relationships, we are always flying by the seat of our pants. When we are not trying to control, not trying to create an atmosphere of stasis or security, we are always evolving with the relationship.”

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Turn an Unhealthy Relationship Into a Healthy Relationship – 3 Easy Tips

How to Turn an Unhealthy Relationship Into a Healthy Relationship

Falling in love feels like soaring with eagles, but an unhealthy relationship can bring you crashing to the ground. We’ve all been there a time or two. In the beginning, you love each other so much that the whole world glimmers and glows. But this perfection soon gives way to ups and downs, even in a healthy relationship.

Sadly, many couples break up as that romantic high wears off, leaving them with the reality of real love. They let normal relationship issues tear them apart rather than bring them closer together. Obviously, a healthy relationship can’t develop without two people determined to stay together.

There’s no way around the truth: Relationships require work. No two people are alike, and sometimes differences create painful misunderstandings. Moreover, people make mistakes. No matter how good the intentions, both partners in a relationship will mess up from time to time. If you want to turn an unhealthy relationship into a healthy relationship, prepare to face these realities.

The tips below will show you how to rekindle love and turn a bad relationship around; but you don’t have to wait until after a break up. Start early. As soon as relationship issues pop up, tackle them head on. The trick is to fix a broken relationship, before it breaks you.

How to Turn an Unhealthy Relationship Into a Healthy Relationship

1. Stop rehashing the past.

It’s important to discuss the issues in your relationship, but that doesn’t mean bringing up the past in every argument. In order to grow as a couple, especially after a break up or communication break down, you must forgive each other. Of course, forgiveness doesn’t come easily; but you must decide, once and for all, whether to let the past go or let the relationship go.

If you spent any time broken up with your love, you know how hard it is to be apart. So, prepare to move forward. That means, no more trying to make your partner feel guilty about past mistakes. Don’t bring up the past when having a disagreement about the present, and don’t use the past to justify your current feelings or behaviors. There’s no way to turn an unhealthy relationship into a healthy relationship while holding on to old resentments. The festering anger and constant rehashing the past will lead to bitterness, bad arguments, and a dismal future. Don’t let the past ruin your future. You can create new, better memories together; but only if both partners willingly forgive the past.

2. Deal with the real relationship issues.

Forgiving the past does not mean ignoring relationship issues. Unhealthy relationships often come from inattention to underlying problems. In the past, you may have argued over everything without really fixing anything. Or you may have dealt with the symptoms of relationship issues rather than digging up the root cause.

For example, if everything blew up after one of you was unfaithful, the focus may land squarely on that single act of betrayal. Cheating is horrible and inexcusable, but there is almost always a problem beneath the surface. Were you feeling vengeful, unfulfilled, or insecure? Did your partner feel ignored, unloved, or neglected? Had your relationship become too mundane or boring? Did you miscommunicate your desires? Is your partner not ready for total commitment? Sometimes it is difficult for couples to discover all the underlying issues, so don’t hesitate to bring in a neutral third party. That might mean going to couples counseling or using online relationship repair sources.

Once you understand the root cause, you can clearly see if it is fixable. If so, develop a solid plan to prevent break up and breakdown of your love. Make sure you both agree on this solution, since it takes two committed partners to turn an unhealthy relationship into a healthy one.

3. Give your all. Don’t hold back.

Some couples feel insecure when rekindling love after break up or breakdown. It’s tempting to hold back, just in case things go wrong again. But this approach sets you up for failure. Try to find comfort in the fact that your partner chose to work things out with you, even though it might be easier to give up on the unhealthy relationship.

Many couples just break up rather than fix a broken relationship. Instead you’re working to build a healthy relationship. That makes your love special. Use this knowledge to bolster feelings of security, so you can give your all in the relationship.

Don’t hold back out of fear or distrust. Don’t put your love on probation while you wait for something else to go wrong. Set your mind on healing the relationship rift, loving each other more completely, and creating happy memories together. You wouldn’t take time to read about how to turn an unhealthy relationship into a healthy relationship if you didn’t love your mate enough to try.

When relationship issues arise (and they will), remember that it takes more work to stay in love than to fall in love. Also, remember that it is worth it. True love lasts because two people refuse to give up on a love that’s worth fighting for. Best wishes and a happier relationship to you!

Visit RelationshipSaga.com for more tips to fix broken relationships.

Visit [http://www.relationshipsaga.com] for powerful tips to fix relationships issues fast, deal with a break up, get an ex back, and cure heartache. All relationship advice is provided by Charly Joy, an International Life Coach specializing in broken relationships. Get the help you deserve!

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‘Sexting’: A New Crisis for Relationships?

‘Sexting’… So what is it anyway? ‘Sexting’ by definition is sending or receiving sexually explicit messages or photos by mobile phones or other social media. This is a trend that has increased steadily through the years as more and more people have utilized phones as their main method of communication. In fact, 88% of adults have engaged in some kind of ‘sexting’ within the context of a relationship according to a paper called: “Reframing Sexting as a Positive Relationship Behavior.” 2

Is ‘sexting’ more common than we believe or are these research studies just turning up coincidences with this type of behavior? Emily Stasko, at Drexel’s University in Philadelphia, surveyed 870 heterosexual individuals and found that more ‘sexting’ was associated with a higher level of sexual satisfaction. 2

These are just two studies, you might say, and don’t represent the population at large. Well, another way to look at this is that technology is something that most people (in larger cities or suburban areas) concentrate on daily. People are very involved with social media on mobile phones, computers & tablets. They are using these social media applications for various reasons (i.e. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, WhatsApp, Tumblr, Vine, Snapchat, etc). Is there any reason to think, even for a minute, that people are not using technology to date or enhance their present relationships? People all over the country (and the world) have access to texting/messaging, social media, and video chatting (Facetime, Viper, etc.). It is extremely easy to use any of these modalities in the context of a relationship.

So how do people view ‘sexting?

The problem is that not everyone defines ‘sexting’ the same way. Is it the sending of sexually explicit or provocative messages? Is it primarily the sending of sexual images? Some people see it as one, the other or even as both. This has been unclear because there have been various opinions about the subject. ‘Sexting’ may not be limited to just messaging but could also include the use of Twitter, Facebook, Skype and Facetime, as well as, other social media platforms. This could also mean sending sexually explicit video or showing nude body parts while video conferencing. This complicates matters even more and broadens the current definition.

Most people have really warmed up to the idea of ‘sexting’ and according to the research, previously cited, a very high number of people have engaged (and continue to engage) in this behavior. These research studies and surveys have focused on how ‘sexting’ can improve relationships and rekindled sex lives. However, there is a darker side as well. This article focuses on those individuals that use ‘sexting’ as a way of seeking excitement, sex, and/or attention outside of their present relationship. The lines are sometimes blurred with regards to virtual or internet relationships because they are not viewed as being “real.”

Is ‘Sexting’ outside of a relationship considered cheating?

That is a good question. We already know that ‘sexting’ or sending these sexually provocative messages can really enhance a committed relationship. However, what happens when people send these types of messages outside of a committed relationship? How is ‘sexting’ viewed among the general population?

“A 2013 Huffington Post article of 1,000 U.S. adults found that 85 percent of women and 74 percent of men consider ‘sexting’ a form of cheating.” 1

‘Sexting’ outside a relationship can be exciting especially for those individuals that are looking for ‘that extra something’ in their lives. Perhaps these individuals love their spouses or partners but seem to have ‘lost’ the passion or excitement in their relationship. For other individuals, maybe they are looking to find someone else online or in a virtual sense (i.e. via texting, online websites or other media) that they can flirt with and is considered “safe.” That could fall into the “grass is greener on the other side of the fence” scenario. A person may be very happy or mostly satisfied with their partner but think that they might be able to find something better outside their relationship.

Other scenarios could include men or women that seem to feel as if they are invisible to their partners or spouses due to over demanding careers, children, mental illness, physical illness, alcoholism, etc. These individuals may find that through ‘sexting’ with a 3rd party that they can feel loved, desired and even sexy. It is through this media (and possibly other reasons) that people justify their actions and tell themselves that they are not cheating because there is no physical relationship.

Is this behavior wrong? Is it cheating? There are various reasons why an individual may decide to engage in ‘sexting’ outside of his/her relationship but what is the intention exactly? Some people may believe that due to the virtual nature of ‘sexting’ that it isn’t necessarily wrong. ‘Sexting’ doesn’t have to involve physical contact and it could just be chalked down to a simple fantasy (or something that they don’t intend to pursue). It may have started as something very innocuous (like work-related messages sent to a colleague, coworker or fellow student) but then it moved forward to a more sexual type of relationship.

However if a person is deleting texts, hiding cell phone bills, or being secretive about this virtual relationship then it seems that he/she has become more involved with someone other than a spouse or partner. This person is now thinking about another person, sending pictures to that person, and possibly wishing he/she could spend time with that other person. If we are looking at the health of a marriage or relationship, any time someone else becomes involved, that health has now been compromised. We could also argue that the commitment toward the relationship or marriage has waned because of the 3rd party that is now part of the equation.

Case Examples:

Maria and Thomas (not their real names) have been married for 3 years but have been together for about 12 years. Thomas had been dealing with anxiety issues for his whole life but had developed a drinking habit to numb the intense feelings that he dealt with on a daily basis. This drinking problem had become so bad where Maria had found him passed out on the couch a few times after work and he spent a good amount of time drinking with colleagues. This situation caused her to feel very detached and distrustful of Thomas. She didn’t feel as if Thomas loved or desired her and that his drinking had become his new relationship. Maria decided to contact a former male friend from school with which she began a ‘sexting’ relationship. She never sent any sexually explicit photos of herself to this other person but the messages they shared were very provocative.

Maria never had any intentions of actually cheating on Thomas but she just felt lonely and unattractive. She sought companionship with someone that showed interest in her and chose to continue this ‘sexting’ relationship for a couple of months. She mentioned that this person made her feel sexy and desirable. She also felt good that someone was interested in her and although this person requested to meet her in person, she never did. Maria had some guilt that she was busy sending messages to someone other than her husband yet she continued. She got so frustrated with Thomas that she even ‘sexted’ this friend of hers while her husband was next to her on the couch.

Now, although this behavior of Maria’s was not having a physical affair it was an emotional affair. Maria was tired of trying to get through to her husband about his drinking and lack of interest in her. She spent a good amount of time looking for affection outside her relationship because her husband was not available to her. When Thomas found out about this ‘sexting’ relationship that Maria had started, he was devastated that she would do such a thing.

Maria made the decision to seek therapy to discuss her concerns and disappointment in herself and her relationship. Obviously she realized that while her marriage was not in the best state that she needed help to put things into perspective. After a few sessions, Maria wanted to bring her husband to join in the sessions. These sessions were spent having both of them discuss their feelings and how they were each disappointed with one another. Maria was able to discuss how she felt undesirable and lonely while Thomas received validation for his anxiety issues. Thomas was confronted for his alcohol abuse and how that was affecting their relationship. This couple was able to communicate, forgive each other and move forward.

A second couple, Julio and Gabrielle (not their real names) were not so lucky. Julio started ‘sexting’ with another woman he met online just after the birth of his daughter. He had been unhappy with Gabrielle for some time however just didn’t know how to communicate his feelings. He had come from a family in which communicating feelings was highly discouraged. So while his wife was pregnant and tired a good portion of the time, Julio was online looking for some attention.

At first, things were very mild. He sent a few texts here and there just looking to see if other women were interested. However, once his daughter was born, Julio spent a lot of time on his phone. He ‘sexted’ with a particular woman with whom he had a connection at work and in the car. He also deleted all of the messages because he didn’t want his wife to become suspicious or to find them ‘by accident.’ So he was able to keep up this front for some time…a good 6 months.

However, one day he wasn’t so careful. Julio forgot to delete some messages and his wife looked at his phone while she was up in the middle of the night feeding the baby. She was appalled and devastated at what she found. Gabrielle chose not to say anything right away because she wanted to see if she could catch him or get him to admit to this behavior. And one day she was able to do just that. She found him in the bathroom taking pictures of his genitals and sending the pictures & messages. She confronted him on the spot and but he denied ever meeting up with this woman. Gabrielle realized that they needed some serious help and sought therapy.

She communicated that she loved Julio and wanted to keep their marriage intact but was not going to accept this type of behavior from him. Julio was able to finally, after some encouragement, to communicate that he had been unhappy with Gabrielle for years. He stated that he only married her because she had become pregnant with his daughter but he didn’t feel that the two of them were very compatible. She also found out in therapy that Julio had lied about meeting up with the woman that he was sending messages to and that they had been dating. It was at this point that Gabrielle and Julio decided to separate because their relationship was not reparable.

So what should you do?

If you have found yourself interested in finding attention outside your marriage or relationship, it is important to ask yourself some important questions.

What do you want to accomplish? What are your intentions? Have you found that you are not interested in maintaining your marriage or relationship? What is the reason you are trying to connect with someone else? Are you looking for some attention because you are not getting it at home? Are you seeking out something more exciting or compatible than your partner/spouse? Or is your relationship salvageable with the help of someone who can encourage better communication and engagement? Are you just looking to make you’re your partner/spouse jealous? These questions need to be answered before the relationship deteriorates past the point of no return.

If you decide that you are simply not interested in continuing with your present relationship, then some honest dialogue needs to occur with your spouse or partner. It is important to communicate your feelings and to allow this other person the opportunity to hear that the relationship is over. This allows your partner to start the process of grieving the relationship and eventually moving on. Hopefully, you are able to provide some support and compassion for your spouse or partner and allow for a more amicable separation.

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However if you have recently found out that your spouse or partner has been involved in a ‘sexting’ relationship, it is important for you to maintain composure. It is completely normal to have intense emotions regarding the situation however it will not help in the communication process. Please ask questions about this other relationship and find out about your partner’s intentions. It is important to know if your spouse or partner is interested in continuing with your relationship and ending the other one or not. It is helpful to have an objective 3rd party there to help both of you to determine in which direction you both want to travel.

Emotions will be high in either situation especially for the person that has just found out about this outside relationship. If you are too deeply hurt by your spouse or partner’s ‘sexting’ relationship to stay with him/her, then this must also be addressed. Each person deals with highly emotional situations in different ways. One couple might be able to communicate effectively even in difficult situations while another couple might not be able to be in the same room together. So it is important to know how your spouse or partner will react in this situation and find a way to come to a workable conclusion that best fits both of you.

Conclusion

Since ‘sexting’ has become such a popular activity among adults in monogamous relationships and with those that are dating based on the research provided in this article, it is important for everyone to be more knowledgeable regarding the topic. The research shows that ‘sexting’ can enhance a monogamous relationship. The case examples show two different scenarios that can ensue. If people are unhappy in their present relationship and choose to utilize ‘sexting’ to find excitement with another person, the end result could be relationship or marital dissolution.

Couples are encouraged to seek out help. A counselor, therapist or psychologist can help couples to find their way through this situation. If a relationship has been extensively damaged by ‘sexting’ (through which a physical relationship may or may not have begun), there are important feelings on both sides that need to be addressed. Depending on the desires of both people involved, these relationships can be saved but does take time to rebuild trust and confidence. Since most of these relationships consist of one (or both) persons seeking out someone else, it is vital to encourage verbal communication about the things that each person views is lacking in the relationship. Feelings need to be communicated and each partner or spouse needs to have the opportunity to express him/herself. Forgiveness plays a HUGE part in this type of situation. Each person has to ask him/herself if forgiveness is an option and if so, they can proceed toward creating a new relationship together. They can do this by spending time together and discussing how to satisfy each other’s needs. Only after these important issues have been brought up can the couple begin to move forward on a new path toward happiness.

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Are You Making Your Troubled Relationship Worse?

When you start off in a relationship, the future looks rosy and you envision a lifetime of eternal bliss and contentment with the person you love. The very idea of relationship problems might seem alien to you and you believe that you have found the perfect partner. However, as time passes, the reality of relationship problems begins to hit you. You quarrel for small things and things that would have been easy to handle earlier, now become a major irritant. Clearly, your relationship has hit troubled waters.

All relationships do have problems, and these problems usually can be dealt with. However, there are times when your actions can break your fragile relationship and can lead to the bond being broken, at times even beyond reconciliation. If you are doing any of the following things, it is time to stop right now if you want to fix your relationship.

Playing The Blame Game

There are times we spend so much time pointing fingers at our partner’s mistakes that we stop to take a look at our own contribution to the problem. When your relationship is in trouble, take ownership of your own mistakes and work towards setting things right before you point at your partner’s failings. Fault-finding and blaming your partner will only make your relationship problems worse, even if there is quite a lot that your partner needs to work on. If you really need to address concerns as to your partners behaviour or activities, wait for the right time and do so without blaming him/ her for your relationship problems.

Getting Suspicious

Suspicion is a major relationship breaker. If you have the habit of constantly checking your partner’s text messages, e-mails and correspondence, of it you constantly suspect him/ her of being unfaithful to you, then your relationship problems are bound to go from bad to worse. Most suspicions are unfounded and if you spend some time thinking about the root of these, you will find that they actually lie in your own insecurity. Therefore, address your own issues before allowing your suspicions to ruin your relationship. If there is a valid reason for your suspicion, then address the matter calmly and refrain from constantly bringing it up if it has been proven to be baseless.

Throwing Tantrums

No one likes to be in a relationship with a person who throws either temper tantrums or emotional tantrums at the slightest provocation. If you have a problem in getting your temper or your emotions under control, work on this as it can really ruin your relationship if left unchecked. A tantrum could be the last stray for an already troubled relationship, and you definitely do not want to let things get to that stage.

Gossiping About Your Relationship Problems

While you might want to unburden yourself to your friends, gossiping about your relationship problems is one of the worst things that you can do if your relationship is already in trouble. Things that you tell mutual friends might be passed around in a totally different light and could reach the ears of your partner as something absolutely contrary to what you actually said, and which you will not be able to defend anyway. This can break your relationship irrevocably. Work on settling your relationship problems in a mature way. If you need to talk to anyone about it, seek out the advice of a relationship counsellor.

Beginning To Stalk

You know that you relationship is in trouble and you then begin to wonder whether your partner is distant toward you because he or she is seeing someone else. Suspicion leads on to paranoia, and you begin to stalk your partner. This can take many forms – keeping a track of where he or she is going, checking on correspondence, and even monitoring phone calls. This is a huge relationship breaker and should be avoided. Give your partner some space. Stalking is not the sign of a healthy relationship and can lead to major complications.

Becoming Clingy

When you are afraid of losing the person your love because of relationship problems, you might be tempted to cling to him or her even more. This can lead to the push and pull effect – the more you push towards your partner, the more your partner pulls away. Being clingy also causes your partner to get suffocated in the relationship and relationship cracks become more pronounced. Therefore, give your partner some space and resist the temptation to cling, no matter how insecure you might be feeling.

Becoming Extra Nice

While it is good to be sweet, avoid being saccharine sweet. This means that when you see that your relationship is in trouble avoid being unnaturally sweet and good to your partner, or being a doormat. This is not going to help. On the contrary, your partner will see that you are not being yourself and this can put him or her off. Be yourself, while avoiding traits that could make things worse between the two of you.

Keeping In Touch All The Time

You are so worried that your relationship is going to break completely, that you begin to constantly remind your partner of your presence, either by texts, e-mails, instant messages, phone calls or gifts. Cut this out if you want to hold your relationship together. While you are doing all of this out of love, these actions could make your partner run even further from you. An occasional positive bit of communication is fine. However, avoid overdoing it.

Flirting With Others

Some people make the mistake of thinking that if they flirt with others their partner will get jealous and work on the relationship. To an already troubled relationship, this can be a major cause for complete breakdown. If you flirt with others when your partner is already unhappy with your relationship, he or she will feel that this is added reason to leave you, and the next thing you realise is that your relationship is over. Be faithful to your partner. It will pay off in the end.

Having A Don’t-Care Attitude

Having a don’t-care attitude will give your partner the impression that you are not interested in the relationship and in him or her. There are many people who might tell you that if you back off and use reverse psychology on your partner, he or she will come back to you. Well, this might work to a small extent. However, this will break your relationship in the long run since the underlying problems still remain. Take an interest in your partner and continue to work on your relationship. When you care, even the most disgruntled partner will care too.

Many people feel that it takes two to make a relationship and it should therefore take two people to even fix a relationship that is in trouble. This is true in most cases. However, there are some cases where this is not the rule. There are times when relationship problems might have pushed your partner to a point where he or she is fed up of the relationship. In other cases, there could be circumstances that stress your partner out to the point where logical and reasonable thinking is difficult. In these cases, it is illogical to expect your partner to work with you on the relationship right at the start.

By not contributing further to relationship breakdown by doing the things mentioned above, you will be giving your partner a chance to heal and come to a state where he or she can work on the relationship. Once this stage is reached, you can take things forward together.

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